


Counting down

by GreenPhoenix



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toby waits to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting down

Two days, twenty hours now.  
Not long before he goes for good.  
Tobias Beecher is currently counting down his life on earth.  
He’s going to fry for having murdered his treacherous lover.  
Fuck you Chris.  
There were testimonies in his favor, but in the end he was doomed.  
Toby looks at the pictures of his children, Holly and Harry and little dead Gary.  
He won’t see them again.  
Gary went where he’s not going.  
Lord knows about Gen. Is suicide really a sin?  
Father Mukada and Sister Pete had tried to comfort him, but to no avail.  
Two days, twelve hours.  
Chris? No answer. No, he is still dead.  
Never coming back.  
Never.  
Toby would not forget his love, his poison.  
He gave up booze and drugs for Chris.  
No, not for Chris, to try and be a better man.  
Ha ha.  
Chris swansong had pushed him back into addiction.  
Chris had been his addiction really.  
If Chris hadn’t killed himself Toby would have taken him back.  
He would never have forgiven Chris, but necessity in a place like this would have driven him back into those strong arms.  
If Chris had whispered poisoned words of love in his ear a little longer, he would have stayed and screw the deal with agent Taylor.  
Two days, five hours.  
Toby has seen Bonnie lately, she didn’t have cancer.  
Funny that.  
Bonnie offers a shoulder to cry on, and Toby takes it.  
She loved Chris and is still mourning him; her new husband won’t like that.

*

One day, eleven hours now.  
Toby looks at his watch, and it counts down his wretched life.  
Not long until the consequences of Chris’ swan dive becomes a reality.  
Toby thinks of Gen and wonders if she felt like this before her death.  
Maybe.  
Did her life flash before her eyes?  
Why can’t he hate her?  
Why can’t he hate Chris?  
Both his loves ended their lives.  
Is he the one who drove them to it?  
Virtuous wife and desperate prison lover, they never stood a chance against his lethal dick.  
Toby hates his self-pity, and then he wallows in it.  
He wants a drink and the still is in Unit B.  
Robson is long dead of HIV.  
Who’s left to mourn for Vern-baby?  
No one and nothing.  
His grandchild will never know him.  
Jewel.  
Nice name.  
He coughs, bitter with bile.  
He’s too fucking sober for this now.  
Yet here he is.  
He was never sober around Chris, always drunk on love and high on adrenaline,  
without his drug of choice he will perish.  
Toby wonders if Death Row was every this lonely with Chris in it.  
No, it would have been vibrant with life by his mere presence.  
He recalls Chris’ lips against his own, the feel of those muscles pressed against the bars, the hardness he could feel all the way down to his soul and now in his aching cock.  
Toby strokes himself off, and knows Chris would approve.  
His last orgasm on earth is devastatingly good, and he only thought of Chris during it.  
Chris would like that. Toby can’t get himself off without thoughts of Chris.

 

*  
A day now.  
Just a fucking day now.  
He recalls Chris’ warm breath against his neck, Chris’ hands on his cock, and his words of love.  
Toby believes Chris did love him, as he loved Chris.  
But no one ever taught Chris to love unselfishly.  
No one told him he was good, or special.  
So he grew up to be a hard, bitter man with a chip on his shoulder.  
Toby hates that.  
Maybe that was all lies, but those stories made sense to Toby.  
He chooses to believe them, just as he chooses to believe Chris loved him.  
Toby still feels the weight of that obsessive bond as a physical thing.  
It’s the thing that crept into his blood and poisoned it.  
Toby accepts the knowledge that Chris loved him, and he loved Chris.  
Love in prison how could it ever have been pure and simple?  
It was flawed and broken because they were flawed and broken men.  
Love should have elevated them, but it didn’t.  
It just made things worse.  
Toby doesn’t blame anyone but himself, not really.  
He had a chance to go straight but he didn’t take it, letting Chris lure him back to jail.  
For that he deserves this.  
Toby doesn’t cry, but it’s damn close now.  
He still hooked up with oh so straight Ryan after his father’s death.  
Cold comfort, and he accepted some tits.  
Ryan mentioned Gloria, and trying to move on, but will he?  
Hardly.  
Now Toby faces a day of Mukada and Pete trying to be supportive.  
The last day of his life and his mother and brother bring his kids.  
Marion is there too.  
“I love you Toby,” she weeps.  
Well, huh. He never thought she did.  
Guess she does. Toby didn’t think she cared, but she kept visiting anyway.  
Holly cries, and Toby’s heart really breaks.  
Victoria lets him hold her, and she holds Harry and Marion softly.  
Angus is teary-eyed but tries to stay strong for Toby.  
Holly has her demons, and Harry…he won’t know his father now.  
He hugs his loved ones, and knows this is almost over now.  
He thinks of Chris and Gen and Gary, and his father.  
That night he feels Chris’ arms around him.  
“I’ll see you in heaven,” he says. “God won’t keep us out.”  
He’s too sober for his execution, but it still happens.  
He sees Pete and Ray and Murphy.  
Ray and Pete offer to pray for him.  
He accepts sadly, and cries.  
“God will see you,” says Pete soothingly.  
“Yes,” says Toby. “But not if I see him first.”  
Chris doomed him, and he let Chris do it.  
Toby fries, and his tears come at last.  
Chris will guide him home, no matter where he goes.  
The angel on his shoulder was always a demon, so it was told.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Gunshot" by Lykke Li.


End file.
